На картинке Крис Эванс иллюстрирует рассказываемую им историю про съемки post-credit шаварма-эпизода для Авенжерс, когда он был очень бородат для другого фильма и отказался брить бороду, тогда ему сделали prosthetic face сверху бороды, но оно выглядело ужасно, поэтому Джосс сказал ему "Крис, сделай вот так", и он сделал вот так. "I didn't get to eat shwarma bro! I just looked at it."
- Is the beer guy around? Can I get another beer?
- Put your money where your mouth is, bitch! I am being aggressive. I have had, like, 9 of these (beers).
- This is some f**king bullshit! … This is some horse shit! … Right? I felt confident and you f**ked me dude! Dick. Prick. You're shit. God, I have to piss. I have to piss so bad.
- Yup. This is all just social drinking, that is all. We are having a good time, right?
- I have got to piss so bad.
[еще немножко Криса]
И если вдруууг кому-то нужен транскрипт [(подкаст идет час)]
Doug: Hi. My name is Doug ( audience member says hi). See, you don't have to say anything out loud ever. That smells like someone who might yell out answers later, I have got to warn him right now. There is no reason to ever yell out, unless...actually I take that back. If I ask the audience then please jump right in. My name is Doug and I love movies. This is "Doug Loves Movies", coming to you from the UCB Theatre in Los Angeles on Tuesday September 18th on two oceans twelve. Since last I spoke and you listened I saw "Ruby Sparks". Which is a movie and not a person, but it is a movie about a person and her name is Ruby Sparks. It was not as fun as I thought it would be going in but I thought it was worth seeing none the less. It was a good experience but not as much fun as I had hoped. And I saw "The Master", and I could pretty much give that the same review. I didn't enjoy it but I appreciated it. Do you know that feeling? (audience laughs). Yeah, that's when you talk. That's when you jump in, when I need you. But thank you for coming. From the corrections department I forgot to give a shoutout to the company that made the vinyl "Doug Loves Movies" doll that I gave out at the Kansas City improv show. It is www.Iamartworks.com so everyone go there and see whatever it is they are doing there. I have no idea.
I want those of you who have been waiting for the Tournament of Championship finals ot the Garlin Holmes Miller rematch or the return of GoGo Lithgow to know that I am tirelessly working to make all of those things happen (previous guests), and everyone involved has promised to allow it to happen when their schedules permit. Tonight we have another schedules permitting situation because these are three very busy guests. They have brought things like an XXL t-shirt that says "The Wasp Women" on it, from an old timey movie about a wasp with a women's face on it. We have also got a "Doug Loves Movies" shirt. We have got one of those in there again. And we have got my double cd "Smug Life". We have a motion picture called "Captain America" and a book written by Mr. Leonard Maltin. Please welcome Leonard Maltin, Chris Evans and Adam Scott. Here they are. Oh, we should have told you about the door. The door is bad news.
Adam: Oh, shit. I forgot my gifts! I just got them at Amoeba and I was able to bring them with me and then forgot them in the car.
Doug: What are they?
Adam: VHS copies of "Cops and Robbersons" and "The Last Boy Scout". "The Last Boy Scout" is awesome.
Doug: Since you threw "The Last Boy Scout" in there you are going to have to go get those afterwards and work it out with whoever the winner is.
Leonard: He put real effort into those choices. I really admired that.
Doug: Those were great choices. The first voice was Adam Scott and the second voice was Leonard Maltin and "Captain America" is the politest member of the panel.
Chris: Hello. Hello.
Doug: So we will start with Chris Evans. So I met you, asked you to do the podcast, and you immediately said yes. It was very easy.
Chris: Well, I think I was pretty drunk at the time and I got really competitive and I was like I am just going to destroy this game. But then I listened to some of the podcasts and I thought "I might suck at this game!"
Doug: But you stayed committed to appearing. That was probably six or seven years ago.
Chris: I kept putting it off. I was like "Next Tuesday!" but then I was like "I can't do it!" and it has been about a year.
Doug: You have been shooting major motion pictures in points unknown. Also, in your time off you like to go home. You are an east coast guy.
Chris: Yeah, I have been in Boston. I literally just got back yesterday.
Doug: I was tracking it to the day when I knew you were going to be back. I said "Can you do it on this day?"
Chris: Yeah, without fail. I will fall out of complete touch with you on like a Monday and then you will be like "What are you doing tomorrow?"
Doug: Yeah, you can't plan too far ahead with these characters, Leonard. If Leonard Maltin picks a date it is going to happen and he doesn't leave his shit in the car.
Leonard: That is how dull I am. Although I was told, I was warned not to listen to a recent episode. I usually hear your shows, download your podcast, but I was warned there was a recent episode that I should not listen to.
Doug: I forget which one it was, maybe Jordan knows. What was the one where we got really filthy about Leonard Maltin? Like an NC-17 discussion of Leonard and his sexual antics? Now you are probably going to check it out.
Leonard. No. You have convinced me. You have closed the deal.
Doug: Nobody seems to remember it so it must not be that bad.
Leonard: Well, I hope not. Did you like "Ruby Sparks"?
Doug: I am always offensive. I did like it. I thought it was going to be more fun though. They kind of pitched it like it was going to be a bit more whimsical and a little less screaming and crying. When you write a woman character and she comes to life there should be no screaming and crying.
Leonard: Except that the character was written by the woman and it is about male fantasizing of women. It is not a male point of view. Zoe Kazan wrote this screenplay for herself and her real life boyfriend, Paul Dano. So it is very interesting knowing that when you approach the film.
Doug: Is Adam Scott in that one? ( Leonard says no) Because he is in most things now. Most things have Adam Scott in it. Hair up. Hair down. He will do it all.
Adam: Or hair on the inside of my body. I will do those thing too. I don't even know what that means.
Doug: Wait. I don't know either.
Adam: Leonard, did you enjoy "Ruby Sparks"? (Leonard agrees). I haven't seen it. I really want to see it.
Doug: Yeah, it's good. It's no " The Master", which you could say about any other film that's ever made because that movie is unique.
Adam: I saw all of "The Master" except for the last thirty minutes because I had to leave...
Doug: Because you were watching "The Master"?
Adam: Because I was going to be late to the next showing of "The Master".
Doug: When you like a part of the movie, you just sort of cling like "I have got to see that beginning again!"
Leonard: At what point did you leave at?
Adam: I left at, spoiler alert, right when ( interrupted and asked not to spoil it)...no. It was nothing. It was right when she said "We are going to go to this place...(audience laughs)"
Doug: That's my least favorite thing about the movie. The dialogue is terrible. "We are going to go to this place...after that one thing that happened with that one guy."
Adam: Ok, I don't think I will be spoiling anything. Did a lot of people see it already?
Doug: Nobody has seen it yet (a few people clap) except for those people. I mean, it is only playing in NY and LA at this point.
Adam: Well, those are the only two places that matter.
Doug: Ok. That's fair.
Adam: And Boston. Right when she said "We are going to leave this house and we are going to this place and this book is going to come out." (Doug say ok) So there is like another forty minutes. It was a drag.
Doug: You left because of an emergency or something?
Adam: No, I just had to...I was going to be late for work so I had to leave.
Doug: So you were that amped about seeing it that you thought "I am just going to take my chances and watch some of it?" (Adam says no) They paged you?
Adam: No, I bought a ticket but if you are ten minutes late at the f**king Arclight they don't let you into the movie. So I had to get a ticket for the next showing. This is exciting stuff.
Doug: This is like a movie in its self!
Adam: So it made me go see the next showing and I was not going to able to see all of it but I wanted to...I was there so. You know what? I will write it down!
Leonard: I have a prediction about "The Master". I have a prediction that this is going to be this years movie...every fall season when the heavy duty stuff comes out and the oscar type films come out. There is at least one, at least one in particular, that critics do handsprings over and builds a reputation but real people don't like it. They feel intimidated because they have been sort of bullied into believing that they ought to like it. Where that trickles down to me is that people will stop me in the lobby of a theatre or a hotel or an airport. They will look at me, they will give me kind of a fish eye look and say "Did you like 'The Master'?". They are daring me to say yes and if I say yes than they are really ticked off. If I don't and say that I really didn't swallow that koolaid they'll be like "Oh. Ok. Good."
Doug: It is a challenging movie to be sure. The reason I am glad that I saw it is because it will be fun to talk about ( Leonard agrees) for a long time to come. I think that there are a lot of peculiar things in that movie that I am curious about.
Leonard: I think there is a lot of great things in that movie.
Doug: Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix are both... you imagine if other actors had played those roles than the movie would have been a real yawn. But they are so mesmerizing that they save what is kind of a drudge. Is that the right word for it?
Adam: I thought it was really good. I mean, I didn't see all of it but I though it was (audience laughing)
Doug: You don't seem too upset about missing out on the last forty minutes.
Adam: That's because I am going to go see it. I loved what I saw.
Doug: But is... are you really curious what is going to happen to those characters? (Adam says yes). Fair enough. Chris, you haven't seen it so you are off the hook man.
Chris: Why are you turning to me? I haven't seen it. I have got nothing.
Leonard: Years ago there was this New York magazine that used to do these word games competitions, every week. One of my all time favorites was to invent a tv show concept and the the show log line for the show. One of the finalists was a show called "I heard that was good!" and the log line was that celebrities would discuss books they have not read and movies they have not seen. That's a million dollar idea. That's a great idea.
Doug: That's essentially what happens on this show every week. Everyone is either too busy with their careers or their families, or both, like Adam is juggling both and doing quite a bit of stuff. I wanted to mention, I don't know if it is in this new 2013 Leonard Maltin movie guide, if you want to go old school instead of having the app on the phone like I do. You are a fan of Adam and his work in "Friends with Kids". (Leonard agrees). It is an under appreciated movie (Adam thanks him). And also of the "Ruby Sparks" variety, marketing it they had to sell it a a comedy but when you watch it is totally not a comedy. (Chris says something inaudible) First of all, use your microphone! Seriously dude.
Doug: I know your Johnny Storm persona is two microphones and your Captain America would not even know what a microphone is. (Sarcastically) "I am from another time but I catch on quickly!" You grasp a lot of shit real fast! All the superheroes do. There is just a lot of very intuitive, like "If we do this then that is going to work!"
Chris: Yeah. The learning curve is quick. What is going on (with the microphone)? Get it closer to me.
Adam: Holy shit! He just figured it out! Talk about superhero...
Chris: That is called problem solving! I got this shit!
Doug: Does the expression "What's the play?" (line from "The Avengers"), is that from the time that Captain America came from?
Chris: What's the play?
Doug: You were like "What is our play going to be?" a couple of times.
Chris: Do I say that? Wait a minute!
Doug: (All laughing) Are you familiar with the word tesseract? Because I think that should be a drinking game. You watch "The Avengers" and you have to do a shot every time they say tesseract.
Chris: They say that shit a lot. I still don't know what a tesseract is! Wait, do I say "What's the play" in "The Avengers" or "Captain America"? (Doug says "The Avengers') Do I?
Doug: I just saw it a couple days ago and one audience member is nodding yes.
Adam: I don't remember you saying that either man in that movie.
Chris: I don't remember.
Doug: (To Adam) You saved his ass! (Chris thanks him)
Leonard: I am also a big fan of "What is your Number?"
Chris: Don't say that!
Doug: Is it in the book? Let's see what the book says.
Leonard: Of course it is!
Chris: The book just went down the drain.
Leonard: No. I like that movie and I like you in it a lot. I had never seen you...I think you have got great comedy chops and I thought it was fun to watch.
Doug: Take that!
Chris: Ok. Thank you. You sound like my mother. (Leonard says it's only one opinion). You know, I should not say this but I really enjoyed making that movie.
Leonard: Don't skulk when you say that.
Chris: That skulk was for the people who couldn't see and you ruined me.
Doug: (Reading from Leonard's review) "It's a smart bodied, briskly funny comedy charged by Evans' and Faris' comedic savvy and likeability."
Chris: I think that is exactly what my mom said!
Doug: "The unrated version runs exactly 117 minutes." Thank you, Leonard!
Leonard: You have got to know that.
Doug. You have got to know it. And why do we have two of these out here, and one of them looks smaller?
Leonard: Because (the guide) comes out in two handy sizes. One is smaller than the other. (Doug disagrees)
Chris: One is for the back pocket!
Leonard: And one is cheaper than the other. One is kinder for people whose eyesight is starting to fade.
Doug: I think I would have trouble with this one. I have enough trouble with the apps so I am staying away from the books.
Leonard. The app will be updated soon. It isn't updated with the 2013 guide yet but it will be soon.
Doug: All right. So maybe for the first time the second prize gets this. (Leonard agrees) They get the smaller one but the winner gets the big one because that is the one.
Leonard: Whatever you say. You are the ringmaster.
Doug: That is what we are going to do. Chris, in the final scene... (Adam interrupts). Yes?
Adam: How are we delegating which book goes to which prize? Can you go over it one more time?
Doug: I love that not only did you do that you did it slowly.
Adam: Because by the time I started doing it I forgot what I was going to do.
Doug: I just want to ask Chris Evans, for everyone that sat around and watched the final scene from "The Avengers". The final, final scene during the end credits. When you are eating, and I do not care if this is a spoiler at this point. When you are at the shwarma restaurant (Chris says yeah) where does...I can't see Captain America's shield anywhere. Does he have a special locker or does he just lock it up in his apartment when he goes out to eat with rest of the Avengers in their costumes?
Chris: I will do you one better. You also can't see his f**king face because... (Doug asks if it is really him) it is me. I was doing a thing in Prague where I had to a full beard and they were like "Shave your beard and go back to Prague and use a fake beard." I was like "I am not going to do that." I said "Just CGI it out. Just CGI it out!. I have to start work on this movie in like, a day, and I am not going to shave the beard." So instead we did a prosthetic, a facial prosthetic... I want to put this down (microphone) but I won't. They had a facial prosthetic that went under my eyes and around my whole face. It looked like I had been attacked by a hive of bees. I came to set and I was like... you can't...it went into my lip so I was...everyone was eating and drinking in the scene. I can't eat or drink and it looked so awful. Joss was like "well, you have got to just do this!" (puts head in hands) And that is what I do in the scene.
Leonard: For the listeners, you should describe that action.
Chris: Charlie Brown style, what wah. The most clever way to mask the majority of my ridiculous face as a result of a horrible prosthetic.
Doug: Well, everyone is pretty low key in that scene. Hah. Loki!
Chris: Did you invent that? Were you ready for that? I think you had that one in the chamber.
Doug: No! Those things just happen. All I had was where was your shield because I was really concerned because I was looking for it this time.
Adam: Not where is his face?
Doug: I wasn't paying any attention to his face. I just thought the shield should be like, should be right there or something. It is nowhere. A guy came in last week (to the podcast) and his name tag was Shield, or maybe two weeks ago. It was recently, last week, right? A guy had the whole Captain America shield on and he was off by one week. He is not back, is he. Haha. F**king idiot. He lost his chance. He lost his big chance.
Leonard: Timing is everything.
Doug: It really is. That is why, it is time to say, does anyone hunger for games? Adam is one of the better players at this game. I hate to break it to you (Chris). Do you want to just sit there with your head in your hands?
Adam: I have never made it to the crazy round. Like, I have never gotten past...
Doug: Yeah. That is what it is called. Super crazy round.
Adam: Bro, it is going to get crazy. I have never made it past here.
Doug: I think you got into one tournament of championships. There is a tournament of champions.
Adam: There is a second location tonight.
Doug: No. Never go to a second location with a hippie. That's (from) Alec Baldwin on "30 Rock". Leonard, are you familiar with a new game we have been playing called "How much did this shit make?" (Leonard says no) Well, it is exciting. I can't wait to tell you about it. "How much did this shit make?" is basically me taking a movie that some people might not appreciate too much and we try and theme it or tie it in to who the guests are. I am pretty sure neither of these fellas were in this movie. I looked at the top movie, one of the top box office movies of all time domestically, and the highest rated or lowest rated however you look at it. The movie that you gave a bomb (0 stars) to, it took to the 235th highest earning movie of all time, is the first one you designated as a bomb. Everything above that, movies 234 through 1, you give at least one star to. It is all over the map. But the first bomb that comes up, do you want to guess what it is?
Leonard: I will never get this.
Chris: Can you tell us how much it made?
Doug: Your first bomb. No, you guys are going to guess how much it made. The first one you gave a bomb is the 235th highest ranking movie...
Leonard: This is a lost cause before it begins.
Doug: It is "Little Fockers". Big hit in spite of your bomb designation.
Leonard: I have no question or no qualms about that. That's fine. I am sorry for the people who spent that money, but hey.
Doug: So now, "Price is Right" style, everyone is going to guess how many millions they thought it made without going over. And someone can pull a fast one by saying that I would like to bid one dollar. If they want to be that person.
Adam: So, if you go over you will automatically lose?
Doug: Yeah, you can not win if you go over.
Leonard: This is domestic theatrical box office. Ok.
Doug: According to Box Office Mojo and my limited skills in taking down information.
Adam: I would like to see you taking Mr. Maltin's ratings and getting on Box Office Mojo and figuring out how he rated each of the 234...
Doug: It is so arduous you would have to be high.
Adam: I would have to imagine that you would have to be so f**king stoned. (Doug says it's fun) Next time you do that, for 236-500, can you call me? That sounds fun to me.
Doug: I'll do it. I will seek them all out. There might be one that ranked higher that I missed. I had some ideas. I thought you might have given a bomb to one of the "Transformer"'s movies. (Leonard says it was tempting) Or to the third "Pirates of the Carribean" movies. There were a few big hits.
Chris: I wonder what "What's your Number" got? (Leonard says 3) You are flushing your credibility.
Leonard: Sometimes, if you believe in something you swim against the tide. What can I say?
Doug: What was the four star movie that got you the most negative feedback? That people just do not agree with?
Leonard: Those are not the ones that people hassle me about. (Adam asks if not ever) That is rare. It is rare to get bad feedback about a four star movie. We give out so few of them. We really are stingy. Really stingy. Maybe one a year, two in an extraordinary year.
Doug: You are the scrooge in movie star giving.
Leonard: Thank you. I wear that mantle proudly. Thank you very much.
Doug: There must have been sometime when someone said something about a bomb. Have teenage girls confronted you about your "Twilight" reviews?
Leonard: No. They can't find me. Which is just the way I want it.
Doug: You do blend into the trees like a wolf that hates vampires. All right. So we have to play this game. How many millions of dollars do you think it made?
Leonard: I'll go first. I will say 100 million.
Chris: I will say 90.
Adam: I will say 135.
Chris: I don't think it did. Close to (number) 250? (Doug asks Chris to use the mike) Sorry.
Doug: I think we can still hear you, even when you hold it down there. Adam Scott is our winner because the actual total was higher than 135 million. It is 148 million dollars. "Little Fockers". Fool me once. Fool me twice. Go ahead and do it again.
Leonard: (Confused) But I am the winner. (Chris) bet 90 and I bet 100.
Doug: Adam went the highest (Adam repeats that he bid 135 then Leonard relents). But I do like your contentious spirit. I like that. That means that you are really ready to go after these guys in "The Leonard Maltin" game, Leonard Maltin.
Adam: This is a bit of a dream of mine. (Doug asks if it is a fever dream) I am playing "The Leonard Maltin" game with Leonard Maltin and Captain America.
Leonard: But I have already acknowledged that you are a better player than I am so it's a fact.
Doug: I think it will be a fun competition. I can't wait to dive in.
Adam: Let's just talk about it and not do it.
Doug: It has happened. Jeff Garlin. Gentleman, these are the name tags that these people (that you are playing for) went to the trouble of making.
Chris: What is happening? This is so interactive.
Doug: Come on Captain America! Pull it together! Figure this out quickly.
Chris: "What's the play?"
Doug: You pick the name tag that you would like to play for! (Adam yells tesseract)
Chris: Is the beer guy around? Can I get another beer? ( Doug asks if Chris can get another beer) Wait, what are we doing? How do we do this?
Doug: You stand up and go out into the audience and pick a name tag that you would like to play for.
Chris: Fuck. This is interactive. What do I do?
Doug: Hopefully we will have another beer for you. Just whatever name tag you like! Does any one have an Avengers themed name tag and something that would appeal to someone with a limited...there you go. Limited. I don't know what I was about to say. Yeah, take it from him or her. Sorry m'am. Now he is dropping it on people. He is the clumsy-ist super hero that I have ever met. Don't read the thing on the back. That is for the shit at the end. Don't read it out loud.
Chris: How does this work? What am I supposed to be doing?
Doug: Just don't look at the back and say it out loud but show every one...
Chris: But there is something on the back.
Doug: Just don't say it out loud. How hard is that?
Chris: I thought I wasn't supposed to know it.
Doug: Ok, use your microphone voice. There is another beer for you. I don't know if that is a good idea. All right Adam. Who are you playing for?
Adam: I am playing for Brian Harns...Harris. His sign is totally weird. There is a picture of him and also some fruit snacks. (Chris asks if he picked it because of the fruit snacks). Yes. I think this is a drive on for somewhere. A drive on pass. I beleive it is all connected to a coffin for some sort of animal. I hope.
Doug: Uh. Thank you for bringing that Harris. I am going to call him by his last name. What do you have there Chris Evans?
Chris: Millhouse. Does this mean that I am playing for Jessica? I am playing for Jessica.
Doug: She wrote Jessica on it. Do you hang out with Ryan Lochte at all?
Chris: Are you insulting my...
Doug: I am just saying that you have the same vibe. This kind of laid back...
Doug: No, I would never say that!
Chris: Sort of a limited vocabulary.
Doug; I am assuming that Leonard is playing for Katie. She made a change to "Kiss me Kate".
Leonard: To "Kiss Me Goodbye Katie". With a rendering of the spanking scene from "Kiss Me Kate", the old musical.
Doug: I thought it was from "Secretary". I have fun. So Leonard is playing for Katie, Adam is playing for Harris somebody, and Chris is playing for Jessica Millhouse. (Adam leaves) And Adam is going to take off. He is going to leave. He is probably going to go out to the valet and get them to bring the car around. Get the prizes out of the thing, then he will come back in and start the game. So how is shwarma? Is it good?
Chris: He really just walked off the f**king stage? Is that even allowed?
Doug: You can get away with a lot on this show but he had a nice...he has got a beverage you can't get in NYC anymore ( soda ban for over 16oz law). No matter who you beg.
Adam: I am sponsored by Chipolte. So I told them I would bring this (cup) out. Sorry guys. It's delicious. For 6.99 you can get a chicken burrito. I will tell you later. All organic ingredients. it's farm fresh. Sorry Doug.
Doug: You get to go first because you won the earlier game. You get to pick between three categories. A twitter user suggested "Sad Max", movies where Mel Gibson's wife is dead. Another twitter user suggested "Songs about Rambos" and that is movies where Sylvester Stallone sings. Then there is another user. I am not going to spell that one in front of Mr. Maltin. They suggested "Triple Nipple", movies where one of the characters has three nipples. You are giving me a look like that has never happened but I can think of two.
Leonard: And one is a remake of the other.
Doug: Ok. I have thought of three then.
Adam: It's just that all three of these categories are so specific.
Doug: People have really gotten into these specific categories because people like when they think you know who the character is just based on the category.
Adam: "Sad Max".
Doug: See, you were already thinking about that one.This particular one is from 2002. We will go to Leonard next. Now this is always freaky to me. Someone in this room gave this 2.5 stars. This person claims it is from 2002. I have no way to disagree. I can't look it up at imdb right now. He said that this movie is downright silly at times and he says that the writer/director of the film played Ray. There are six names listed. How many names do you think that you can guess it in? ( He faintly says six) Do you have a microphone?
Chris: What year was it?
Adam: I thought you were looking at me to see if I was married.
Doug: I have heard stories...
Chris: So this was 2002?
Doug: Yes. So how many names Adam. 3? Ok, now he just needs three names. Leonard, do you think you can get it in less or are you going to challenge him? (Leonard asks Adam to name it) Your three names are Patricia Kalember, Abigail Breslin and Rory Culkin. Culkin, someone just said. I have never heard someone excitedly whisper Culkin before. I would though, I like them. All the Culkins are good. Not to confuse you with other Culkins. I think Mr. Maltin is about to get another point. (After silence Adam says "Signs"). You son of a bitch! That is like slow rolling in poker. It is like you knew it all along.
Leonard: Well played. Well played sir.
Doug: Oh wow. You look angry. He is pissed.
Leonard: I am not angry at him. I am angry at me. I could not think of what film it was.
Doug: But you had ideas, right?
Leonard: You only need one idea, which is the name of the movie.
Doug: Could you name any movies where Mel Gibson's wife is dead?
Leonard: What's the..."Man without a Face?"
Doug: Yeah, your wife dies if she finds out that you have no face.
Leonard: That was the first one that came in my head.
Doug: He's played a lot of weird lonely characters...
Leonard: "Lethal Weapon".
Chris: "Lethal Weapon" is good. "Braveheart". She was not dead in "We Were Soldiers". She is alive and that was heartbreaking. (Audience laughs) He had to leave her and it was very sad.
Leonard: If his wife did not die in "Braveheart" there would be no rest of the movie because that is what spurs him into action.
Doug: When your wife dies you should paint your face blue and go nuts. Jesus, c'mon.
Adam: His wife is dead in "The Gringo" too.
Doug: That is a brand new movie. I have not seen that one.
Adam: I don't know if she is dead.
Doug: She is probably dead in that one where there is something about innocence and he plays a vigilante. I don't think he ever has a living wife. He compared scars with Rene Russo.
Leonard: Is Mad Max married?
Doug: Mad Max probably lost his family.
Adam: For sure.
Leonard: "Mad Max" lost a whole continent.
Doug: That shit was cray. All right, are you ready Chris Evans?
Chris: I guess.
Doug: It is time for you to step up and play the game, picking a category between these three. Next in line will be Leonard. One twitter user suggests "Doug Loves Guests" featuring movies from one of the guests who sits on the panel right now. All three of you are eligible. James Gandolfini is celebrating a birthday today, who is a fantastic actors, so the films of James Gandolfini. Or "In Theatres Ciao", films that take place in Italy.
Chris: I will do James Gandolfini.
Doug: Ok. He is deftly avoiding the opportunity to know one of his own films. Probably a smart play. One person complained to me on twitter that I have not been saying recently if I agree with how many stars a movie has been given.
Leonard: Because one person complained?
Doug: That is all it takes.
Leonard: You like to please your customers.
Doug: But it also reminded me that it was fun when I did that and I don't know why I stopped doing that. Especially now that you are sitting there, I can say it to your face. I can say it to your smiling face.
Leonard: Until I turn my back on you.
Doug: And you do not have Sam Levine here to protect you this time. He is in Philadelphia doing a TV series. (Leonard congratulates him) So, 2.5 stars you gave this film. I am not having that. This is a four star movie in my book. Ok, maybe 3.5. You talked me down. Your winning ways talked me down.
Leonard: If we keep going we might get close to (closing the gap).
Doug: I don't know what that means. (Leonard says they are only 1 star apart) Oh, ok. 2.5 stars is what you gave it and the year is 1983. It's a young Gandolfini. Please swear into the microphone (Chris). Mr. Maltin says that it is highly stylized. I should say that the violence is highly stylized. I don't want to take you too far out of context, which I do on occasion for fun. He also says that there are colorful, supporting characters. There are a shitload of names. 12 names, 13 names. Let's go with 13. How many can you get it in?
Chris: I need all of those names. I need all those...
Doug: What's your number? Again, I did not think of that beforehand.
Chris: I need all of those names. I have got nothing.
Doug: So you want 13 names?
Chris: Shit. I don't like losing games while I am drunk.
Doug: So you want to go 12 names or less...
Leonard: I will go 11.
Doug: So 11 is a good bid. Adam?
Adam: I will go 7.
Doug: 7. Is "Parks and Recreation" already back (Adam's show)?
Adam: On Thursday night.
Doug: So if you missed it last night, this podcast is going to come out on Friday. If you missed it last night on your dvr or your on demand, go watch it and watch it again next Thursday. Do you guys get pre-empted by the SNL campaign stuff?
Adam: It is at 9:30. No, I think that it will be on at 8, the SNL Election coverage.
Doug: So, "Up All Night" is sitting out or something?
Adam: It is "SNL Election", then "30 Rock", then "The Office" and then us.
Doug: Nice. Good answer. Usually people do not know that kind of stuff.
Adam: Maybe "Up All Night" is at 8:30. maybe it is not "30 Rock".
Doug: Oh shit. Well, we will fix it in post. We'll put a fake beard on you. Chris, it is down to six names. You can either ask him to name it or you can bid lower. I mean 7 names. Thank you audience. Another time you can do that.
Chris: I will ask him to name it. Put your money where your mouth is, bitch! I am being aggressive. I have had, like, 9 of these (beers).
Adam: I understand.
Doug: You have had 9 Millhouse masks? So you get 7 names and here they are. Samuel L. Jackson, Tom Sizemore, Christopher Penn...
Adam: Wait. you said 1983 and I think you mean 1993. (Doug says Adam is right)
Chris: What! That is f**king huge!
Doug: The number 83 and 93 is hard to distinguish.
Chris: That is enormous. That is an enormous (difference)!
Doug: But he figured it out!
Chris: He obviously knows it!
Adam: I would have bid 0 names if you had said 93. I would have bid 0 names.
Doug: Well, you get 7 names and here they are. Just name it!
Chris: This is some f**king bullshit!
Adam: "True Romance".
Doug: He got to stomp you a little less than if I...
Chris: This is some horse shit! I was anticipating either "True Romance" or "Crimson Tide"
Doug: It is funny. When I said James Gandolfini I thought he had to be very young (for 1983).
Chris: "8MM". Come on, dude. I had a couple locked and loaded.
Adam: Did you say "8MM"? That was a very good pull for Gandolfini.
Chris: Right? I felt confident and you f**ked me dude!
Doug: You could have gone with "A Civil Action" , that would be another one with John Travolta.
Chris: I didn't...I didn't think you would go there. I figured it was going to be one of the good ones.
Adam: "The Mexican"...
Doug: Ok. Settle down. We are going to play that whole point over again but Adam is still going to win. It's a special occasion so we can go over (time limit).
Chris: I need another beer.
Doug: Can we get another beer here? My friend Gabe is delivering beers.
Chris: Yup. This is all just social drinking, that is all. We are having a good time, right?
Doug: Did you know that there is a 12 beer maximum, because that is all we bought. None of the rest of us are drinking. I have been sober since September...I am on day 18.
Chris: Good work.
Adam: From pot too?
Doug: No. Are you crazy?
Chris: He is having a bottle of wine. This guy is sucking back a bottle of wine here.
Doug: Hey! Be cool. Be cool. They don't have a thing (approved container).
Adam: They don't have a thing? Be cool man. There is no thing.
Doug. Be cool. They have got a "no thing" situation. Ok, so I am going to give you three new categories. Chris, there is "Same Name", where there is another movie with the exact same name. I know that it has happened. It is weird. (Chris shouts "There he is!") Oh, there is his beverage. Captain America needs his go juice!
Chris: What's the play!
Doug: Glug, glug. What's the play?
Chris: Red team go!
Doug: You should suggest that for the next one because wouldn't he be excited that Prohibition (ban on alcohol) is over when he came to the future?
Chris: I hope Marvel hears all of this.
Doug: Yeah, listen up Marvel. Maybe you could do the Batman reboot in three years? So there is "In Theatres Now" and that is movies that are playing in theatres now. Or the "Bjorn Legacy". No one ever picks this and I don't know why. It is movies that have Abba songs in them. Ok so you can do...
Chris: I only have 2 options?
Doug: Well, you don't want the Abba one, do you?
Chris: But I thought there was a third one?
Doug: There was "Same Name"...
Chris: Ok, I will pick "Same Name". I do not like the other two.
Adam: What is the "Same Name" one?
Chris: I don't really know, I just figured that the other two were shitty.
Doug: This is a good choice. This is a movie where they had (another) one with the exact same name and they went ahead with it. Like, let's just call it this also even though there is one with a name that is a known entity.
Adam: Not a remake. Just a same name.
Doug: It's a completely different movie.
Chris: The same f**ing name.
Doug: So it uses the same name and it got 2.5 stars from Mr. Maltin and I probably agree with that. I might even go a shade lower, maybe. But there is something about this movie that I love. Leonard calls the movie frenetic and he says...he also say about it that...
Chris: This is incredulous.
Doug: That it is the perfect vehicle for the star of the movie. (Leonard asks the year). That would be 2005. I am giving it a second look and it is not 2006 it is 2005. There are 11 names. What do you think Chris? (Chris repeats the year) Would you like another plate of shwarma?
Chris: I didn't get to eat shwarma bro! I just looked at it.
Doug: But you were doing the same pose? If there was a tree you would hit your head against it.
Chris: Wait, what are my options? What is the number. How many things? 5?
Doug: You have 11 names, you can bet 5...
Chris: I'll take 8 names. You like that?
Doug: Ballsy move. Yeah I did (like that).
Chris: Just get ready. It is going to get crazy.
Leonard: I will say 7 names.
Chris: What a dick!
Adam: I will take 5 names.
Doug: Don't listen to this one (podcast), Leonard. There is a lot of offensive stuff in it. Adam, so Leonard said 7 (Adam repeats 5) Chris, it is back to you.
Chris: Adam. I am going to say show me what you have got!
Doug: So this is playing out exactly as I thought that it would. (Joking) The year is actually 1997. It's 2005 and your 5 names are Laura Kightlinger, Steven Anthony Lawrence. So that is a guy with three names. That often happens in SAG...just because you two are lucky to get your own names. What are your middle names, if you had to go with your middle name in the SAG registry?
Chris: My middle name is Robert.
Doug: Chris Robert Evans. You should be an actor that goes with Robert Evans. That would be super confusing.
Chris: That's my dad's name.
Adam: Bulyulski (really Paul).
Doug: Well, you really lucked out that there was not another Adam Scott ahead of you. Elliott Cho was in this movie, Jeremy Bergman and Josh Hutcherson. Josh, so he must have been little because he, of course, is Peeta in "The Hunger Games". It's funny when he throws bread around because his name is Peeta (like pita). I am going to need an answer Mr. Scott. I don't know.
Chris: You are shit!
Doug: The actor is someone I think we both think is very funny. The actor is Will Ferrell and the motion picture is called "Kicking and Screaming". And there was a Noah Baumbach movie called "Kicking and Screaming" which I actually enjoyed quite a bit.
Adam: So Chris gets a point.
Doug: Chris is on the board. So the show is going long. My apologies to "Comedy Bang Bang" ( next show in the theatre). Let's finish this off here. Let's make it happen.
Leonard: So you are winning?
Doug: No. It is tied because each of them has a point. Two points. Adam has a point, (Chris) has a point.
Adam: Here goes.
Doug: Who challenged who on that last thing?
Adam: Chris challenged me.
Doug: Ok, so we start with Leonard and then we move towards Chris. You get to pick between "Yabba Dabba Don't", that's a cartoon that has been made into a live action movie. (Chris is yelling "Shit" in the background) There is "Joseph Gordon Leave-it". That's where he leaves someone or someone leaves him. This one is so complicated that I don't want to say it but I will anyways. A twitter user suggested "Mother Lover" and that is movies where an actor and an actress played mother and son in one film and then lovers in another. I am going to tell you what that one is if it does not get picked.
Adam: Are there a lot of them? Or just one?
Doug: I just want to get rid of it. I found an example.
Leonard: I will take "Yabba Dabba Don't".
Chris: What was "Yabba Dabba Don't"? What does that mean?
Doug: It means...it is something you say when you are excited about not doing something. "Yabba Dabba Don't" is cartoons, tv cartoons that were turned into live action films.
Chris: That is what I wanted to know.
Doug: "Flintstones" would be an obvious one. I don't usually make it that obvious.
Chris: God, I have to pee. I have to piss so bad.
Adam: Just go,man!
Chris: What have we got, like, 7 minutes left?
Doug: For "Motherlover" the films were from 88 and 94 because Sally Field and Tom Hanks were lovers in "Punchline" and mother and son in "Forrest Gump". So we are finally obliterating that f**king category. I am going to get that shit out of my phone. But now let's play "Yabba Dabba Don't". This film was given a generous two stars. Something was up that day. It was probably your birthday or some shit. It is fun to be able to say this right to you instead of when you are not here. You called the movie goofy and Seth Green and Eugene Levy appear in it unbilled. I love when you mention the unbilled. (Adam asks for the year) The year was 2001...or 1947. (repeats info). There are 12 names. How many names can you get it in?
Leonard: I will try 10.
Doug: That's a good starter bid. Let's go to Chris.
Chris: (Low voice) I will say 9.
Doug: Woah. That was like, Lucas Lee style.
Chris: It kind of came out really different. I meant to speak normally but then I said (lower) 9.
Doug: (Mimics) I'll say 9. Were you talking to that chair over there? Clint Eastwood...
Chris: I want to keep drinking. (To Adam) I dare you...
Doug: All right, Adam?
Adam: I will go 0 names on this one.
Doug: Maybe, or for sure-sy?
Adam: It might be a big mistake. Maybe. I don't know. 2001? Should I go 8 names?
Chris: Just do your thing!
Doug: Chris has to get out of here.
Adam: I'll go 5.
Doug; Ok Leonard. You have got to go lower or make him name it.
Leonard: 4 names.
Doug: Now who has got to piss!
Chris: I can't do that. I can't do that. I can't f**k with 4 names.
Doug: Say name that movie Leonard Maltin!
Chris: Say name that movie, bitch!
Doug; No. I tell you exactly what to say! You (Chris) must be a nightmare to work with. "Oh, I don't want to shave my beard. I'll put the word bitch in in any sense I want. What's the play, bitch?". It is just the beer talking. You are not a bitch.
Leonard: Did you pull that stuff in Prague? No? I did not think so.
Doug: He keeps it cool in Prague. You do not want to get arrested in Prague.
Leonard: Is this "Josie and the Pussycats"?
Doug: I didn't even give you the names and that is right! We have got a three way mother f**king tie in this shit! We have got to settle this. Apologies to "Comedy Bang Bang". We will not be here next week so "Comedy Bang Bang" will start on time next week. Wow. Who knew it would come down to this.
Adam: As only Maltin could.
Doug: We have never had this exciting of a game when you were playing.
Leonard: I have never got a correct answer before, either.
Doug; What did you think the answer was Adam? "Scooby Doo"? Yeah. You almost stepped in it.
Adam. Part two was 2004. Right? "Scooby Doo 2"? "Monsters Unleashed"?
Doug: You know, that is one thing I am not much of an expert on. When did that movie I had no interest in come out? That was, in fact, I have got to bring something up real quick now.
Adam: I auditioned for "Scooby Doo 2". Chris, did you too?
Chris: How did it go?
Adam: Uh, really well.
Chris: You nailed it!
Doug: This was something we played on the show before. It is called "Full Review", where I read an entire review. Do you remember your review of "Scooby Doo 2" or "Monsters Unleashed" (Leonard says no)? Your review (of this film) was 5 wopping words. "It is what it is". I do remember that. (Adam asks for year) Oh, yeah, that is why we are looking it up. 2004. No extra points for that. Don't get cocky. What happened there? Leonard got the point and who challenged you? Chris challenged him so we will start with Adam.
Chris: I dig that shit.
Doug: We start with Adam but then we come right back to you. So Chris, pay attention.
Chris: I am trying.
Doug: Have beer 11 or 12.
Chris: I have got to piss so bad.
Doug: That is what gets you to stop drinking? You don't want to push more pee through? (Sacastically) Oh, Captain America peed in front of everyone.
Adam: (Back to Chipoltes) Did you know that you can walk up and order carnitas, just a taco with carnitas?Then you get to choose your ingredients like cheese and sour cream. Hot, medium or mild salsa.
Chris: As he is walking off stage...
Adam: Fresh ingredients people. Anyways. Sorry Doug.
Doug: So you can choose from"Doug Loves Guests" "Triple Niple" or "Songs about Rambos".
Adam: "Doug Loves Guests".
Doug: Would one of you gentleman like a movie that one of you were in from 1990 or 2004?
Chris: I did not make movies when it was 1990.
Doug: Good poker mouth. That is what I am going to call it from now on when someone reveals too much. Good poker mouth. Because Adam doesn't know that! You could have been a child actor.
Adam: I am going to go with 2004. To get all 3 of us in it.
Doug; So that eliminates "Gremlins 2:The New Batch" starring Leonard Maltin. Ok Adam, 2004, so either you or Chris is in it. 2.5 stars.
Adam: Or Leonard.
Doug: We could play that game but he is only in the film that I just said. Right? (Leonard agrees) He is a film critic that refuses to play himself.
Adam: Which is awesome because how many more times do we need to see Larry King play himself?
Doug: I am not satisfied yet. 2.5 stars from Mr. Maltin. I am not going to agree or disagree.. Your first two words of the review are "Not bad." It is based on a story by one guy that was based on this other thing. You say "It is entertaining enough if you ignore the many plot holes." First of all, how dare you in front of my guests...
Chris: Wait. What year was it released? (04) It was released in 04.
Doug: It could be a movie from Chris or it could be a movie from Adam. You haven't worked together. He lists 10 names Adam. How many does he need to get it in? While you think of it I am going to do my plug. I am going to be at the Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase Oct 10th at 4:20. The Drafthouse in VA on Oct 20th. I am doing a taping of "Doug Loves Movies" from the Gramercy Theatre on Oct 8th. Adam, what is your bid?
Adam: 11 names? I'll go 5 names.
Doug: "Parks and Recs" is back Thursday nights. Chris.
Chris: I will do 3 names.
Doug: "Captain America 2", when can we look for that?
Chris: We start (filming) in March. (Doug congratulates him) No applause! I have to piss. Let's get through this! Give me the f**king clues.
Doug: Try to shave before you show up.
Adam: I will try 2 names. I'll go 2.
Chris: You prick.
Doug: Wait a sec. Doesn't Leonard get to pick? That is an interesting ploy. No one has ever tried that. You just skip by the guy who is not into it. So you said 4? Chris said 4. When it comes to you (Leonard) you can say less or ask him to name it.
Leonard: Name the movie.
Doug: All right Chris.
Chris: I am going with "Cellular".
Doug: Uh, your four names are...Chris Evans is our winner! It is "Cellular".
Chris: It is not bad if you ignore the many plot holes. Where is the bathroom?
Doug: Just run back stage and the guy who has been giving you all of those beers will show you where to go. Chris Evans everybody. He won so Jessica.. where is Jessica at? There you are Jessica. Congratulations! Do you want your Millhouse (mask) back?
Adam: If you want your VHS tapes Jessica you can meet me out front.
Doug: So she is going to meet you out front. That's great. I didn't know that a rendezvous was going to be in the prize bag. We have something written on the back of the "Kiss Me Kate" girl's sign. Hey, can you write someone on the back of this, someone for me to call a shithead? You get Leonard's 2013 movie guide. Two Oceans 13 in bookstores online. If you can find a bookstore that's open you can get it there or you can use the internet. I said second place would get this but you guys tied for second place so...she is moving. She gets it because she is moving. It was the expediency that I liked about it. "I am moving" is a good reason. If that guy had said he as an asshole he would have got it.
Adam: So you should pack that in with all your other heavy books.
Doug: Apologies to the other guy. (Harris) You can write down her name as a shithead if you want to, in addition to the one you picked. So "Parks and Recs" is Thursday night with Adam Scott. So Johnny Whiter Wilson is a shithead. Chris Evans' d**k is a shithead. Katy is a shithead. This is one of the weirder ones that I have had, but Glendale is a shithead. The city of Glendale.