Marilyn Manson on homosexuality: My philosophy about sexuality is that I don't have a problem with anything anyone does in any way. All I ask is that you know the rules. I've sucked the dicks of several men, which a lot of straight guys won't admit to having done or wanting to do. But just like kissing a girl can't get her pregnant, sucking a guy's dick doesn't make you gay (unless you break rule #3). It's not that I'm against being gay - I just want to clarify what makes you gay. Please note that this list only pertains to guys: Al women are by nature lesbians. So let's get things straight (no pun intended) - if you meet any of the qualifications below, you are gay.
1. If you get someone else's sperm on you.
2. If you've ever owned a Smiths album.
3. If you get hard while sucking another guy's dick. If you don't, you're straight - unless he gets sperm on you.
4. If Michael Stipe is in the room with you and you're having sex with a woman, you're bisexual.
5. If you're at a gay bar, you're not gay. But if you're at a straight bar and you talk to another guy longer than you talk to a girl, you're gay.
6. If you tap your feet to a Smiths song.
7. If you discuss art for more than 45 minutes.
8. If you've ever worn a beret.
9. If you kiss a guy and he has a hard-on, you're not gay unless you have a hard-on too.
10.If you have any kind of sex - with a male or a female - to the Smiths, you're gay.
11. If your only purpose in life is to get girls pregnant so they can have more girls to have lesbian sex together.
12. If you jack off and you get cum on yourself.
13. If you get a boner watching Gilligan's Island.
14. If you don't get a boner watching Bewitched.
15. If there's a Smiths song on in a bar and you're in the bathroom with your dick in your hand.
16. If your name is Richard and you go by Dick.
17. If you're friends with anyone named Dick.
18. Я УСТАЛА ПЕЧАТАТЬ ИЗВИНИТЕ
20. If you fuck a girl who likes the Smiths.
21.If you don't eat meat because the Smiths album Meat Is Murder had an impact on your life.
22. If you do anything spiritual.
24. If you've ever had a haircut like Morrissey.
25. If you've ever had a haircut while a Morrissey or Smiths album was playing in the room.
35. If you know the names of anyone who's ever been in the Smiths besides Morrissey and Johnny Marr.
39. If your first, last, middle or only name is Morrissey.